So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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