I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
