On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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