So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
