susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
