Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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