someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
