Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
