i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
