Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
