You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
