my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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