He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
