Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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