Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
