So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
