atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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