Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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