if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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