Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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