We're facebook friends in real life
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
