literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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