U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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