Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
