I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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