it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
