I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
