why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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