can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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