im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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