You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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