Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
love makes seman taste better
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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