You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
