Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
