Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
