You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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