we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
