haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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