Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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