K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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