Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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