I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
