Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
