Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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