Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
