I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize