M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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