I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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