I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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