Sry I called you an 8
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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